Run Away

Time marches on and nothing stays the same….  The gremlins in Bobby begin to stir and boil and before long he is back at his wretchedness… and it is pouring out all over us. He manages to stay kind to Polly and this is miracle.  Just the thought of him hurting her was enough to make me want to kill him dead in his sleep.

Running is what I dream of everyday now. Leaving Polly is breaking my heart. But staying here in this mill apartment with fits of anger and hatred spilling into me. Hate is what I feel. His ugliness is too big and powerful and it casts a dark shadow over all of us. I don’t want hate to win, but it is consuming me and I want to run.

I had been planning my escape for a long time. Long before Polly was born.

I did not have to go far to find two friends who wanted to run with me.

Denise and Donna both lived on Aspen Street.  If you lived in my town and you said that you lived on Aspen Street or Gills Alley….well that just about summed it all up.

Aspen Street was a long street that went about three or four blocks down. The street was lined with one crappy looking house after another.  Each house had two to four apartments in it.  Rural American slums. There was a lot of poverty, crime, drugs, drug dealers and despair on Aspen Street and it was not safe for a young girl to be in that neighborhood…..Denise and Donna woke up there every day.

I had managed to keep my promise to Mom that I would never go to Aspen Street until Denise moved to town.  Denise moved to Aspen Street in the beginning of sixth grade.  I am not sure where she moved here from… but she just showed up at school one day and we were friends immediately.

Denise was living with her older sister and she had it pretty rough.  Her sister had a couple of kids and she was very young.  Their apartment had hardly any furniture and it had that familiar stench of poverty.  Denise was soft spoken but had a hardness to her that was deep and subtle. She was kind but not mushy.  She was soft but not passive.  She was sad for sure…but she was looking for happiness.  She still had hope and that made up for so much. Her hair was dark brown and very long.  She always wore her hair down.  She was very pretty…… her eyes were dark brown. She seemed older than me…she had a wisdom about her that was beyond her age.  Perhaps she had seen more in her short life than she needed to see.  She often looked away and was in her own thoughts.  But she was never mean….not once. Denise had the most beautiful smile.  She sort of worked into it, as if she was hesitating to smile at first, almost like it was a decision to smile, not natural.  But then her eyes would soften and the smile would start to appear slowly across her face, subtle but extremely warm and meaningful.  I remember feeling relieved when her smile appeared.  I loved her and wanted her to be happy.  Then her smile would start to fade.. a look would come across her face that seemed to remind her that she had nothing to smile about.. and then the smile would be gone.

Donna lived a few houses down from Denise and she had a bunch of brothers and they were all trouble.  They got into trouble all the time…  But on Aspen Street you did not have to go far to find trouble.  It practically came to your door knocking.  I never knew anything about Donna’s Dad and I think her Mom worked in the mills.  Donna was a hoot. She was really funny and had a very sassy personality. She had dark skin, dark hair and dark eyes.  She could make a joke out of anything.  Sometimes she joked about the things in her life that were not funny. But I suppose laughing at it was the only thing she could do.

Both Donna and Denise were up for an adventure at anytime. They were kind…they were not mean girls at all.  I really loved them and we had things about us that bonded us instantly. Mainly that our fathers were non-existent and we were searching for a better life.  Searching for ways to get out of where we were. We all hated our homes and were angry at our fathers for leaving us behind. We all knew what it was like to live in poverty and uncertainty.  Most importantly we all made each other laugh and feel free!

Both Denise and Donna were a lot more courageous than I…or maybe they were just more desperate than I. They were a lot tougher than I was.  Aspen Street was tough..and to survive there you had to be tough right back or it would destroy you.

We often went to cemetery that bordered Aspen Street..  We would sit on the hill and look out over the grave stones. We always talked about getting out of this town and heading to California or some other place.  Anywhere but here.

I had a plan and Denise and Donna immediately wanted in my my run away adventure.

First we needed to know how much money we had.  They each had a couple dollars but thought that they could get a couple more.  I had a five dollar bill in my pocket that my Mom gave me to buy milk and bread with. We thought we had plenty enough to run away. We decided that we could use our gym bags to carry what we needed.  We made a list together on what we all thought we should bring.

We decided that we would leave the next day.  That we would pack some clothes and snacks in our gym bags and get up in the morning like we were going off to school.  But instead we would meet in the park near my house and sneak down to the train tracks.  We made a pact to not tell anyone. and than once we got settle we would come back for Polly.

That night when I went to bed I had a sense of hope.  I thought that I would change everything by running away.  I thought that I would be free from the pain in my life.  I was afraid but nowhere near as afraid as I was to stay in this life that I dreaded every day. I woke a few times during the night and I was not full of fear.  Interesting that I was hopeful for a new beginning.  A life with Denise and Donna….  I wondered what they were thinking about as they feel asleep and I prayed to God that they would show up the next morning.

The next morning, I left the house just as if I were heading to school.  I hugged Polly for a long time and told her what I was doing and that I would come back for her. I felt somehow that she knew what I was saying. Linnea was still sleeping and I kissed her on the cheek.

I got to the trail first and shortly after I could see Denise and Donna running down the trail towards me.  Once we reached the tracks we knew we would be out of sight for a long time. We were all frightened to death and as soon as we saw each other we said “let’s run”   We ran through the park and headed for the tracks.  We were full of excitement and fear. We jumped over stones and tree trunks we ducked under low hanging branches and we ran as fast as we could.  I felt a sense of freedom as we ran. I just wanted to run and run and run. Once we reached the train tracks and were out of sight we all fell on the ground in exhaustion. We were all out of breath and quiet.  For a few minutes all you could hear was the sounds of us breathing. Once we caught our breath the realization of what we were doing was beginning to sink in. We all started laughing in disbelief and excitement. We gathered our things and began walking.  I was in the middle with Denise and Donna on both sides of me. Walking with our arms around each other down the middle of the train tracks.

I had no idea how long it would take to get there but I knew if anyone could make it, we could……